I've been pretty horrible about keeping this up. Part of it's been that I have been pretty busy around here. Part of it's that this is almost more of a reminder of my situation.
I've been moving a lot of things around at home. I donated a lot of clothes that I was no longer wearing, some of which have been in storage forever. I needed to make some room in my closet for things of ryoske_kt
's that have been left here and I just don't have the heart to box up for the time being. Partly because I am wearing them. It makes me feel better to have things of his close to me. I think I finally stopped sleeping with one of his sweatshirts that he left here, since it no longer smells like him. I'm still sleeping with his bear, though.
I moved into a bigger bedroom, and that means I got a bigger bed. I was a little hesitant, to tell the truth. I haven't slept at home in another bed since he left and I was afraid it would be too big. It is, even though it's only a double. Because he's not there. I mean, I got used to sharing a twin bed with him while he was here and this is just odd. The first night I woke up just about every hour. It's been getting better since then.
Friends are trying to cheer me up by getting me out and doing things. It's good for me. Except last Thursday night. I went over to anfadh
's place and got drunk. Very, very drunk. I was regretting it even before the hangover, since there was puking involved. Yay. I have to admit it was kind of funny to answer ryoske_kt
's call the next morning with "I'm hungover." Turn about being fair play and all. I can laugh at myself.tempest_007
's been dragging me out, too. She was part of the drinking night, as well as taking me out to a movie and party on Saturday. The movie part was amusing, too, since I ran into an ex. We haven't seen each other since before I got married, and things were awkward for a little while with us, but it was SO good to see him. He was gracious and wonderful, two things I should have thought of when I was agonizing over telling him about my engagement. He's just good people.
The party was interesting since it was the first one I'd been to without ryoske_kt
since we got married. It was odd being on my own, but taken. I was hit on by a pretty good looking guy, and ended up in conversation with him for a lot of the night. I made clear pretty early on that I was married, but he still stuck around. That was kind of cool. Kind of nice to know I've "still got it", even as an old married lady.
I haven't heard from ryoske_kt
since Monday morning, and I'm trying not to worry. I mean, there's a thousand logical explainations for why he might not call, but I'm still scared for him. I have a very morbid imagination, and since I watched Starship Troopers today I am having all sorts of freakish accident thoughts going through my brain. I should just go upstairs and cuddle up with Jack, and I'll probably hear from him in the morning.